Babyfather says marriage is a scam

Dear Pastor,

I am a 30-year-old woman and I have two children. They belong to one man who is 35.

We have been living together, but this man has not decided to marry me. He takes care of his children very well, but he says he does not believe in marriage. Some of his friends live with women and as soon as they got married, their relationships broke up.

One day I was very upset about something and I raised my voice and told him that men like him should get 'bun'. He threatened to box me down. He said, "If you think you are bad, say that to me again." I did not repeat what I said. He left the house, and when he came back in the evening he slept on the couch. Before the children left for school, I tried to hug him and told him that I was sorry and that I didn't mean what I said. He told me that it is in my heart to give him bun and that is why I said it. He also told me that he can never trust me again.

I love this man. He is half-Rasta and he says that God says he must take a woman and call her his wife, but He did not say that the man must marry her. This man believes that marriage is a man-made thing. I am tired of living this way. I want to live a better life. I would love to get married. I have worked hard with this man. We bought a piece of land together and we put up a two-bedroom house. I don't want any other woman to come and inherit what we have worked so hard to build. But sometimes I think that it is time for me to walk away.

When I first met him, I thought he would change. I knew that he used to smoke weed. But he is doing so even more now. I don't harass this man for money. Sometimes I get help from relatives who are living abroad. I hope you can tell me something that would encourage me.

M.R.

Dear M.R.,

Many Rastas use the argument that God says a man must just take a woman and call her his wife, so the man does not have to do a formal marriage with the woman he loves.

But the Bible speaks of marriage; and the Bible even talks about when men and women got married, they had a feast, which we call a reception. We know that Jesus went to such a feast and when they ran out of wine, he turned the water into wine. It is said that was the first miracle Jesus did.

You made a mistake by telling this man that it is men like him who get 'bun from women. No man would take such statement from his woman as a joke. Any man would always believe that is a threat from his woman, and she will eventually carry out the threat.

This man and you have worked hard together; don't give up on him. If you are not attending church, start doing so. I doubt very much that he would prevent you. You have my prayers.

Pastor