Tried to seduce my mom’s boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I have a confession. When I was 13, my mother and I were living in St Andrew, where she met a man and they started dating.

In the early stages, she would go to him, and this went on for a few months before he started coming to our house. I knew of him but we had never officially met. One Friday evening I came home from school and he was there with my mom in the living room talking, and that was when she introduced him to me. He seemed nice. He didn't spend the night, but he came back the Saturday night.

About midnight, I woke up to use the bathroom, and while I was passing by my mom's room, I heard a choking sound and grunts. So I put my ears to the door and it was clear to me what they were doing. My mother was performing oral sex on him and the sounds they were making were turning me on. I knelt down by the door and put my hand in my underwear and began to play with myself; I was soaking wet down there. Please note, I was a virgin at this time. I listened to the sound of them having sex that night and then went back to my room. In the morning, I saw the man and I was so embarrassed to look at him knowing what I did the night before, but I never stopped. I would stay up every night just to listen to them doing it.

Fast forward to when I turned 15. He was very nice to me and kind, so I grew to like him, plus he treated my mom very well too. However, I found myself wanting him. Yes, I started having sexual feelings and thoughts about him and my panties would instantly get wet. So one day, we were both at home and my little body was in heat, and without thinking, I made up my mind to offer my stepdad my virginity. I went to my room, picked out a short skirt and a body blouse. I showered and went to the living room where I pretended to read a book, while leaving my legs slightly open just enough for him to see between my legs which he never once noticed. So I just boldly went over to him, lifted my skirt and asked him if he would have sex with me. He glanced at my private part and looked at me with shock, surprise, disbelief and a sense of disappointment. He got up and told me to pull my skirt down and go to my room. He threatened to tell my mother and then left the house.

Eventually he and my mom broke up, and deep down I know it was because of what I did. When my mom confronted me about it, I denied it all. I feel so guilty.

T.M.

Dear T.M.,

Your mother's boyfriend exercised great control. He could have had sexual intercourse with you when you offered yourself to him.

You were old enough to know that when you offered him sex, you were doing something wrong. You were 15 years old. He turned down your offer and left the house. Perhaps your mother believed that this man had sex with you, and that is why she broke up with him. I hope that you may have the courage one of these days to tell your mother the truth. I am sure that by doing so, the guilt that you are carrying would subside. I shall be praying for you.

Pastor